im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
