the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
