Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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