I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
