We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
