If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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