Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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