Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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