Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize