i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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