I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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