we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
