How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
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