we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
