dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
did you just send me my own nude
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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