My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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