I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
