you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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