My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
