the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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