Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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