margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize