dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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