I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
