i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
