The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
