my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
