I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
there is glitter all over my balls
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
