My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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