dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
