when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
