Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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