I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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