brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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