So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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