It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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