She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
