i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize