I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
