I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
