I cannot find my penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
