tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
