NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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