everyone is single if you try hard enough
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
