omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
