The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
