I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
