Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
