I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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