When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
