You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
