Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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