I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
