Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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