sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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