he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
