He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
