I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
