You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i love accidental penises.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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