Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
