Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize