I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
