I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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