Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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