I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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