I'm jealous of your bromance
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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