where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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