no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
