Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
