who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
should my penis look like a turkey
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
