I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
