His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
